No Excuses

Music is a very powerful thing. It can instantly take you back to a time and/or place. Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I was listening to Alice in Chains (AIC). They happen to be one of my favorite bands. Back in 1994 they released an EP called Jar of Flies. On that EP is a single called No Excuses.


Back in High School I had a best friend. He was a year younger and a grade behind me. My senior year if I wasn't in class or out golfing I was hanging out with him. We did everything together. We were so in-tune that we even had the same car, just different colors.


We recorded music.
We climbed rocks.
We raced our cars.
We played games.
We even got picked up by the police together.


He was the one person I could always count on.


Our friendship ended shortly after I graduated. The fault was mine. It ended over, of all things, a girl. That girl eventually became my wife and we've been married 18 years now. Since that time though, I've never had a better friend. When I heard No Excuses for the first time a few years later I instantly thought of my lost friendship. It has since become (and forever will be) my favorite song.

I know I have a great life now and wouldn't trade it for all of world but... I like listening to my iPod, being transported to different times and wondering how the lost people of my past are doing. I still miss my best friend.

Ray Liotta

From IMDb - "Intense is the word for Ray Liotta. He specializes in psychopathic characters who hide behind cultivated charm. Even in his nice guy roles in Field of Dreams and Operation Dumbo Drop, you get the impression that something is smoldering inside of him."

Last weekend my kids asked me if I saw a bright light when I was in my coma. I can't remember what prompted the conversation but I assure you we were just joking around. I told them no, but I did see the Angel of Death twice.

They stopped giggling and replied in a very serious tone, "really?".

"Yes, remember your dad almost died several times while he was in the hospital." was my wife's response to them.

"What did he look like?"

"Ray Liotta, from Wild Hogs." I said in a very serious tone. Laughter erupted in the car again.

I was serious though. I don't know why my mind made this angel look like Ray. I just remember he was very rough looking. Leather jacket and scruffy face. Scary yet handsome at the same time. He came to me twice. Both times I was on a gurney by an elevator. I was paralyzed, unable to move an inch (ironically, I was paralyzed when I woke up from my coma also). He was standing at the end of the rolling table waiting for the elevator doors to open. He told me it was time to go. I protested and told him I wasn't ready yet. I needed to stay for my family. He didn't like it but agreed and that was it.

The second time he came he told me I didn't have a choice this time. I again protested saying I wasn't ready to go, pleading that I needed to be here for my kids. They still needed their father. After a bit, he told me OK and left me be.

When I got home I started doing some research on the real Ray Liotta. I laughed a little when I read the quote in IMDb at the top of this post. The real Ray seems to be a lot like his angelic counterpart. To this day I still have problems falling asleep worried that I'll run into Angel Ray again and this time I won't be able to tell him no. What bothers me even more is I don't know which way that elevator was going to go. Up or down.

18 Years

Most people associate 18 years with the age one becomes 'legal'. Today I associate it with the number of years I've been married. Good, bad or indifferent - it's been 18 years.

Blood, sweat and tears seems to just scratch the surface.

In 18 years I started a family, watched a family divide, have owned quite a few automobiles, held down a job with only one employer - worked in customer service, been a manager, run a correspondence unit and been a financial analyst (none of which I would have ever imagined if you'd have asked me before this 18 year run began).

I've made my very fair share of mistakes. I've caused my very fair share of pain. I've left. I've come back.

I've faced mortality and help beat it back with a stick. I've also seen it win.

These 18 years has changed me immensely. I am no where near the naive little boy from so many years ago who had no idea what he was doing. I don't have all of the answers yet, but I've learned a lot along the way and I've got a pretty good idea on the meaning of life.