Consent

I'm going to step in on what is a hot topic today. In the news is a story about an 18 year old girl who is being charged and could be labeled a sex offender if she is convicted for being in what I believe is a sexually active relationship with a 14 year old girl. Gay Rights activists have taken the cause on defending the 18 year old and saying she is being persecuted only because this was a lesbian relationship.

When I first heard this story I asked myself how I would feel if my 14 year old daughter was in a relationship with a boy that was 18. To be honest, I found it quite disturbing. While I know my daughter is extremely smart, I don't feel she is close to making a consensual decision when it comes to matters of sex.

I asked my wife tonight what she would do if our daughter was in a relationship with an 18 year old boy. Her response was "oh, hell no!". Then I asked her what she would do about it. (She was not aware of the story before I asked her.) Her response was that she would pull our daughter out of school and home school her. I think that's a drastic decision, but I also think going to everyone but the parents of the other partner is also rash.

So then, what is the age that a person can make a consensual decision? This was also a question I posed to my wife. We both agreed that while under the age of 18, the most the age gap should be is 2 years. I also wouldn't let my daughter or son be in a situation where they were one on one, alone with someone until they were a little older.

Do I think that the 18th birthday is a magical day where our children are all of a sudden endowed with great knowledge, wisdom and the ability to make great decisions? Absolutely not. If I take myself as an example, I wasn't making great decisions until I was in my 30's! I am going to continue parenting with the goal of having open dialog with my children, no matter how uncomfortable the topic may be for me to hear. The goal being that I want my children to be educated and confident that I am here and willing to listen no matter the situation. When they face a difficult situation, they'll know they aren't alone and hopefully will have been given enough time and wisdom to make good, sound(ish) decisions.

Now, enough about how I would handle the situation if it were me. I am disappointed by the parenting involved with the girls in the story that inspired this post. How you can avoid the situation head on and go about every way possible to disparage the 18 year old is very, very wrong. If they had gone to the 18 year old with their concerns about the age disparity or even her parents and nothing was done, then go to the schools. Then the authorities. The way the story has been portrayed by the media, it certainly sounds like the parents of the 14 year old are homophobes and that is disappointing. But if they are only looking at this from the view point that the age discrepancy is too large, then I only scold them on their approach and support them as parents trying to protect and raise their child.

11/22/63

One of my flaws as a person (that I'm willing to acknowledge) is that when I find an author I like, I typically stick with them and don't often branch out. Among my favorites that I like to read are Stephen King, Anne Rice and John Grisham. One look at my "Last Books Read" list will bear that out. Of these three Grisham would probably be considered the weakest of the writers. The funny thing about that is, among the three I really like everything of Grisham's that I've read - there may be one or two works I haven't touched yet. King and Rice have both published novels that I didn't enjoy and on a few occasions couldn't finish.

I just finished 11/22/63 and was blown away with this book. Since I have recovered from my illness of a few years ago, I would say I have become a lot more 'sensitive'. I'm more emotional about things. This book evoked some strong emotions at several points along the way. Yes, Stephen King brought me to tears.

I can easily identify my top four favorite King books and they are (in order of publication date): The Stand, Bag of Bones, Under the Dome and now 11/22/63. Number five, if I were forced to pick would be It, but more for sentimental reasons - the first 100 or so pages are just so hard to get through but once you do, ohh the ride.

11/22/63 is one of those books that hooked me very early. One aspect that really touched me is his integration (though only briefly) of two characters that you grew to love from It. Though the book is considered long (but not close to his longest works) at 849 pages, it never feels it. King does a superb job of 'feeling' life as it was back in the late 50's and early 60's (the primary setting for the book). I felt the joy and the pains that the antagonist experiences (hence my tears).

There was nothing so disturbing in this book that would keep me from allowing my 14 year olds to pick it up and read it. If you don't have an aversion to books longer than 350 pages, have some time to dedicate to reading (you should always try to dedicate time to reading!) then I would strongly recommend this book, even if you aren't a fan or familiar with Stephen King's earlier works.

Happy reading,
Jim