Right Now

Music can be a great way to express ones thoughts and feelings. I haven't written lately because I am heavy in heart. I heard this song tonight in my iTunes library, looked up the lyrics and felt they hit the spot straight on. The song is:

Artist: Nine Inch Nails
Title: Zero-Sum
Album: Year Zero

They're starting to open up the sky, they're starting to reach down through.
And it feels like we're living in that split second of a car crash.
And time is slowing down, and if we only had a little more time
and this time
is all there is.

Do you remember the time we...?
And all the times we...?
And should have...?
And were going to...?
I know.

And I know you remember, how we could justify it all.
And we knew better; in our hearts... we knew better.
And we told ourselves it didn't matter.
And we chose to continue, and none of that matters anymore.
In the hour of our twilight...
And soon it will be all said and done, and we will all be back together, as one...
If we will continue at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start
May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts
Shame on us for all we have done
And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

And you never get away, and you never get to take the easy way,
And all of this is a consequence, brought on by our own hand
If you believe in that sort of thing.
And did you ever really find, when you closed your eyes,
Any place that was still, and at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you, as the light starts to fade,
That you are the reason that I am not afraid.
And I guess I just wanted to mention, as the heavens will fall,
We will be together soon if we will be anything at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start
May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts
Shame on us for all we have done
And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

Thank you Trent for helping me express tonight how I feel.

A Daughter Needs A Dad

Jim asked me awhile back if I wanted to do a guest blog post. A memorial for my father. I tried a few times, but really couldn't come up with something that I'd thought anyone would want to read. Saturday, March 17, a day that most people are out celebrating the Luck O the Irish, I will quietly be remembering my father. I can't believe it's been 5 years since he's been gone. 


It certainly doesn't seem like it's been that long, and it sometimes feels like it's been forever. I could tell you what a great man he was. But he wasn't. He was stubborn and opinionated, especially in his last years. He was a good husband, sometimes. I'd say he was a good brother, also sometimes. I'm not sure how great an uncle he was. If you asked one of the Kelly girls (our cousins) I'd bet they'd say he was. If you asked Jim, or Andy, or any of our other cousins, I'd bet they'd say sure, but most wouldn't have extremely fond memories of him, like some of us do with our Aunt Hannah or Uncle John. But for me, he was a great dad. One of my best friends, especially after I'd grown up and learned to accept him for who he was. I still miss him, each and every day. Not much of a tribute huh.  

To honor his memory, I'd like to take something from a little book I picked up for him for Christmas one year.  It's called Why a Daughter Needs a Dad.  It was compiled by Gregory Lang.  

A daughter needs a dad to learn that when he says it will be ok soon, it will.

A daughter needs a dad who will make sacrifices so she will not have to sacrifice.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that her value as a person is more than the way she looks.

A daughter needs a dad who will laugh at her at all the right times, who will always have time to give her hugs and kisses.  Who does not mind when she steps on his shoes while dancing.  Who will always make sure she has a place to come home to.

A daughter needs a dad who will never think she is too old to need him.

A daughter needs a dad to make the family whole and complete.

A daughter needs a dad who will not punish her for her mistakes, but help her learn from them.  To teach her to believe that she deserves to be treated well.  To teach her to accept the differences in others.  To teach her to weigh the consequences of her actions and make decisions accordingly. 

A daughter needs a dad to tell her truthfully that she is the most beautiful of all.

A daughter needs a dad to protect her from scary nighttime creatures.  To answer the questions that keep her awake at night.  To make the complex simple and the painful bearable.  To protect her from thunder and lightning.

A daughter needs a dad to be the safe spot she can always turn to.

A daughter needs a dad to show her how it feels to be loved unselfishly.

A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.

A daughter needs a dad who will influence her life even when he isn't with her.

A daughter needs a dad to tell her that all is not hopeless, even when she feels it is.  To join her journey when she is too afraid to walk alone.  To make the tough decisions for her until she is able to make them for herself.

A daughter needs a dad so that she will have at least one hero who will not let her down.

A daughter needs a dad to help her take the risks that will build her confidence. 

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that forgiving is a natural thing to do.  To teach her that she can forgive more than once.  To teach her the difference between being firm and being stubborn.  To teach her that respect is to be earned as he has earned hers. 

A daughter needs a dad to prepare her to persevere though hardship.

A daughter needs a dad who will let her know that while she may not be the center of someone else's world, she is the center of his.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her what it means to always be there.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that a man's strength is not the force of his hand or his voice, but the kindness of his heart.

A daughter needs a dad so that when no one else is there for her, she can close her eyes and see him.

A daughter needs a dad to give her the guidance she needs as she begins to resolve her own troubles.  To pull her back when she is headed in the wrong directions. To think highly of her when no one else will.  To hold her when she cries.

A daughter needs a dad  who teaches her she is important by stopping what he is doing to watch her.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her the importance of being a lady.

A daughter needs a dad to calm her when she is stressed by her challenges.  To give her a strong, willful character.  To teach her how things work.   To fix her favorite things.  

A daughter needs a dad to show her that true love is unconditional.

A daughter needs a dad to tell her all she needs to know about boys.  To show her that all boys are not like the one who hurt her.  To teach her how to recognize a gentleman.  To stand with her on the day she marries the man she hopes will be just like her father.

A daughter needs a dad  to teach her to learn from her experiences.

A daughter needs a dad  to help her find her way in life.

A daughter needs a dad  so she learns that men can be trustworthy.

A daughter needs a dad because without him she will have less in her life than she deserves.

Thank you dad, for giving me so much, for so long.  I miss you more than words can say.


- Diane


With love to Lester Meseroll. (1944-2007)