Respect and Ownership - A two topic post

When I write my blog posts, I have usually churned over a topic for a few days or even weeks. Then the urge hits me and I start to write. When I write them, I proof read but often go with my initial gut (after all of that churning, that is) thoughts. I do that to try and prevent a posting based on raw emotion, and sometimes I'm not very successful.

The first topic is on 'Respect'.

respect |riˈspekt|- noun • due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others : respect for human rights.
- verb [ trans. ] • have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of : I respected his views.

This one starting percolating a few weeks ago when I started seeing e-mails and posts on Facebook about keeping Christ in Christmas. How dare people reduce Christmas by wishing someone or a group of someone's Happy Holidays. I hadn't realized that Christ was removed from Christmas? I certainly have never heard anyone wish me a Merry Mas. Folks, Christ is still there. 

The second thing that really kicked this topic into gear are all of the posts over the past 2 days in response to the horrible shooting in Connecticut. Some are specifically saying that we need to let God back into our schools. Again, I didn't realize he abandoned our children the moment they walked through those doors (do they coat the doors, walls, floors and ceilings with unholy water?). I'm pretty sure He is all powerful and can (and will) go wherever He is needed (or wherever He'd like). Yes organized, formal prayer is no longer a part of the school day. Do you really want a school teacher doing that? What if that teacher was Jewish? Or Muslim? There are many different divisions of Christianity - so what if that teacher attended a church where they spoke in tongue or held snakes when they prayed? Is that how you want your child to learn about God? When does it become the parents responsibility to teach their kids? (Oh wait, that's part of the second topic...)

About 13 years ago I was promoted to a management position with the company I work for. My boss at the time, Jodie M., was in charge of quality, training and all of the miscellaneous areas of the operation at our site. Our company is big on diversity, and she was in charge of being the diversity champion for our office. Under her tutelage I learned a lot of valuable lessons that I carry with me today. I am certainly a better person today because of her. One of those values is the respect for our vast cultural differences within our country (and even outside of it). I learned that just because I have a way of looking at something doesn't mean there isn't a different, valid, view point that someone else sees in the exact same situation. I certainly don't have to use those other views, but by acknowledging them and at times incorporating them I am recognizing our differences and showing my respect towards others.

So, when I wish you a Happy Holiday, I do so with respect to your possible varying viewpoints. I don't know intimately what everyone thinks or believes (or rather doesn't believe) so why should I make the assumption that everyone is a Christian or celebrates Christmas (some Christian sects don't). When I don't force all of the children in a class room to say a Christian prayer I am respecting them, and just as importantly their parents in their own personal views on religion.

Ownership

owner |ˈōnər| - noun - a person who owns something : the proud owner of a huge Dalmatian.

This one goes to heart of one of great issues in our country. How often have you heard on the news after one of these tragic mass shootings people talking about the shooter. Many times that person says something like "he was always nice to me" or "he was always so quiet". The parents or relatives of the shooter will often say something like "my son/daughter would never do such a thing. I have no idea why they did it".

I feel this stems from a lack of ownership of these parents/relatives in the raising of their child. Every parent should be involved in their child's activities throughout the day. Get to know who their friends are, ask them how their day was. Learn how to have open dialogue with them so when it becomes necessary you can identify when something is wrong and work to help them out.

Parents also need to learn how to accept feedback from their peers, from the child's school or other areas of interaction. If a teacher comes to you and says they have been having behavioral problems with your child, don't just take your child's side and accuse the teacher of not doing their job - if anything they are going above and beyond to try and help that child through you. Take the information you learn about your child and dig to find any root causes to issues they are experiencing.

I also hear people talking about how today's social media, video games, TV shows and movies are contributing to the decline of our society and fueling these mass shootings. I feel as a parent, I am not here to be my child's best friend. I'm here to raise a responsible, respectful, contributing member of society. In my house, there is no expectation of privacy. I look at their texts, tweets and posts. I monitor their search history and I censor what they watch or play in my house.

There also seems to be a stigma on mental health. How embarrassing it is that the child has a problem. We don't talk about that in public, else someone thinks less of us. If you view mental health issues and drug/alcohol abuse as a personal failure in the way you raised your children - don't. The parent only becomes a failure when they don't take ownership for their child's behavior/issues and do everything within their power to help that child overcome whatever ails them. As a society we need to not look down upon those things. We need to embrace those issues and make assistance easily and readily available.

Back on that topic of prayer in school. Who, exactly do these people think should be teaching their children about God and religion? How do you know that these school administrators are going to teach it the way your pastor/preacher/elder/shaman/etc... does? Folks, some lessons need to come from the heart and the home. Not everything can be pushed off onto the teachers and principals to teach to our kids. Leave the textbook stuff to them. God isn't gone from our schools unless you don't teach them about Him.

Finally, I'd like to say I know I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect parent. I don't have all of the answers. I'm sure I've done things that will require therapy for my children in later years. But I'm trying. Yep, I got preachy here. I'm stepping off of my soapbox. So many people have jumped to social media to express their thoughts on all that is wrong in the world today. I respect their views and opinions, and I hope that they take ownership of what is going on in their own little slice of life.

A Black Mark

Black Friday is starting to get ridiculous. At the rate we are going we'll be having Christmas Super Sales on Halloween! This year some companies are opening Thursday evening around 8 p.m. What has happened to us as a society that we can't even enjoy an entire day off to spend with our families before we start the craziness we call Christmas shopping. Will we start opening the stores at 8 p.m. on Christmas day to get a jump on all of those returns???

A story was run on the Today Show talking about an employee of Target who started a petition to the company to NOT open on Thanksgiving day. She has gained a lot of support from her fellow employees and employees of other stores that are also opening on Thursday. We, as consumers, can also have a voice in this madness - we can stay home until Friday. Sure, if you want to hit the midnight sales after Thanksgiving go for it. Technically it's Friday and not Thursday. But if enough of us stay home before midnight we'll send the message to these companies that we want everyone to enjoy time with friends and family and not busy handling crazy mobs on what should have been their day off.

Guilty As Charged

I'll be the first to admit what I'm about to write about, I'm guilty of.

Politics lately have become really intense. I think it has to do with Social Media (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc...) given how easy it is to say something, anything really, or share something that you saw that you thought was clever or fit what you were thinking. It feels so easy because there seems to be little to no consequence when it happens. There is no one looking right at you giving you a funny look or whispering in your ear "hey Jim, maybe you shouldn't say that so loudly".

I've been one of those who have posted his/her feelings on their preferred candidate or rather why they oppose the other candidate. I think I've been pretty clear on where I stand. Painfully so for some readers I'm sure. This is odd, because before I got sick I would never have dreamed of talking politics so openly. That's not to say I wouldn't ever talk politics, but the number of conversations in a year could easily be counted on two hands with a few fingers left over.

I believe that our ability to easily, and with little consequence, share our political beliefs has helped drive division in our country. I see it more today than at any other point (I admit, I watch politics more now than I ever have so maybe I'm just now becoming aware of it), a division in our country. Politics seem to have gone to the extreme. Gone are the days of meeting in the middle. Today feels like an 'us vs. them' situation in America.

People outside of America look at us and see we are in trouble. They point to the fact that we are paralyzed to make decisions. All because of our 'us vs. them' mentality. We want to think that we are the greatest country in the world, but how can we be so if we can't make policy to move us forward when we are constantly fighting about who is right and who is wrong?

I admitted earlier that I'm guilty. Guilty of feeding the 'us vs. them' mentality. Of blasting my opinions on the various social media sites. Of feeling stronger about what I don't like about certain candidates vs. what I like about the other. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Will I be disappointed if 'my guy' loses tomorrow? I sure will. But regardless of who wins or who loses I am going to encourage the people that are there to start reaching across that aisle, finding middle ground and becoming a country of US and not a country of 'us vs. them'.

Football Thoughts - Ohio State

Observations and questions mostly.

- Have the Buckeyes covered a spread yet this year? I believe they were 5 touchdown favorites today. Didn't come close to that one.

- Has Urban installed a new system for the defense as well as the offense? If not, then Fickle's job is in serious jeopardy! Even if they did, he hasn't rallied the troops yet and I feel if we don't see marked improvement by the vaunted Silver Bullets before year end this could be the end for Mr. Fickle.

- Urban has continually told the fans that this team really isn't that good. They aren't where he'd like them to be. That is painfully clear, at least to me.

- Braxton Miller will be included in some preliminary Heisman talk, but only borne from necessity. He's shown some flashes of awesomeness so far this year but he is not consistent enough to really be a serious contender. The rest of the team around him is so off that he stands out like a bright light in a dim room.

- Are the Buckeyes the best team in the Big Ten? Unfortunately it looks like it. I say that because quite frankly I agree with Urban's assessment of this team and. the rest of the Big Ten looks dismal which is not good for the league. It also means as a Buckeye fan I'll hear s*** from the ACC and SEC fans out there. Nothing against them, after all, watching some of those teams play it's clear they are head and shoulders above anything the Big Ten is producing this year.

If you think I'm being hard on my beloved Buckeyes you would be correct. I've heard a lot of talk about them being the best team in the Big Ten. Of being able to go undefeated. Is that a possibility? Sure it is. Do I think it'll happen? Absolutely not.

I love the Buckeyes and will cheer for them as hard this year as I have any other year since the time I can remember. I'm also trying to state what I see as the quality of the Buckeyes and the Big Ten this season. Please feel free to comment and/or tee-off on me in the comments.

Shouting in Stereo

As a society I have noticed that more and more some people like to express themselves in terms of black and white - no grey area. Absolutes, no balance.

• All iPhone owners are sheep - too stupid to realize their phone is inferior to any of the Android offerings and willing to line up for a shiny paperweight.
• All Muslims are evil and are only out to hurt America.
• All poor people are just lazy and don't want to better themselves and just want to mooch off of the government.

I assure you these are not my views on any of those listed above. What has happened to us that we so easily stereotype someone? I bring these three up because they have all been prevalent in my social network circles (Facebook and Google+).

The iPhone vitriol was much, much worse on Google+ than Facebook. I think so because Google developed Android and Android users have naturally flocked to Google+. I'm not saying all of them, but I notice more support for Android than Apple's iOS there. The derogatory statements made over, of all things, a phone. I read an article written that compared these arguments to kids in high school making fun of others because they didn't wear the trendy clothes or have the right shoes on.

Muslims are being persecuted because some radicals are using a pathetic attempt at slander to rile up the troops and bring down the infidels. If you look though, you'll see a lot of support from many Muslims in those same countries where they are rioting trying to support and protect our people there. Saying all Muslims are evil would be the same as saying all Christians are evil because of the movie made that they are protesting or 1000 years ago when the Christians invaded the Middle East in the name of God to use any means necessary to eradicate the Muslim faith.

And of course the lazy people statement was thrust into the spotlight from the political statements (not intended for public consumption) by the Republican Nominee for President. I've seen statements supporting what he said like "the truth hurts" which I find absurd because not everyone you see receiving government support is lazy and/or willing to just leach off of the government for as long as they can. In fact I would be willing to bet that the majority of them would much rather have the opportunities that so many others have to improve their lot in life.

A person that I consider extremely wise taught me several things about 10 years ago when I first became a manager with the company I currently work for. She taught me about the value of diversity, that we need to embrace each others differences to make us all a better group as a whole. I was the quality manager at the time and one thing that she said to me has stuck with me ever since - "You can't assume a person is making the mistake on purpose". What I took away from that is, not everyone is out to do the wrong thing. I like to believe that as human beings we are inherently good. While we may have some bad eggs among us, the people that fall into the generalities listed above are few and far between.

Do we have the right to be mad at those bad eggs? Sure we do.
Is it fair to lump in the innocent with those bad eggs? Not at all.

I hope if you take anything from this post it's that you take pause before making a general statement to the public on these social media sites. Think before you speak, and realize that not all people are 'players'.

Never Forget

Like last year, I'm going to use others words to express the significance of today's anniversary. I received this e-mail a couple of weeks ago from my aunt Hannah (love that woman!). As soon as I read it I knew I was going to utilize it in today's post. I am one who tries to find a silver lining in a dark cloud. When I made this mindset change about 10 years ago I found I was a much happier person in general. Finding silver linings in one of the darkest days of American history can be daunting, but here is one such story:

Here is an amazing story from a flight attendant on Delta Flight 15, written following 9-11:

"On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that "All Business" look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta's main office in Atlanta and simply read, "All airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination."

"No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, New Foundland. He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately--no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request. 

"While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the hijackings.

"We decided to LIE to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander, New Foundland to have it checked out.

"We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that's nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM! .... that's 11:00 AM EST. 

"There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the U.S. After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason." Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the U.S. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground Control in Gander told us to stay put. 

"The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the air crafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were U.S. commercial jets.

"Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC. People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. were either blocked or jammed.

"Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm. We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.

"We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning. Passengers were not happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane.

"Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word. Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

"About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross. 

"After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander! We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the U.S. airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while.

"We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV, 24 hours after it all started.

"Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the "plane people." We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.

"Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days. What we found out was incredible.

"Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.

"ALL the high school students were required to volunteer their time to take care of the "guests." Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes. 

"Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility. There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.

"Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered "Excursion" trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft. In other words, every single need was met for those stranded travelers.

"Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S.airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or 

late. The local Red Cross had all the information about the whereabouts of each and every passenger and knew which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully. It was absolutely incredible.

"When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling. Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses. 

"And then a very unusual thing happened. One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that. But this time was different. I said "of course" and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewisporte. 

"He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewisporte. He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than $14,000!

"The gentleman, a MD from Virginia, promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well. As I write this account, the trust fund is at more than $1.5 million and has assisted 134 students in college education.

"I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a far away place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on them. It reminds me how much good there is in the world."

"In spite of all the rotten things we see going on in today’s world this story confirms that there are still a lot of good and Godly people in the world and when things get bad, they will come forward.

"God Bless America...and the Canadians."

NOTE: Today, August 13, 2012, I verified the story. The scholarship fund has reached $1.5 million dollars and 134 students have benefited from the fund.

Word Pt. 2 - Ignorance

ignorance |ˈignərəns|nounlack of knowledge or information : he acted in ignorance of basic procedures.

Whoever said ignorance is bliss was full of it. Maybe if I could be ignorant of all of the ignorance out there, especially when it's blasted on Facebook... The topic that has struck my ire today is the damn 'Money Bags' posts that make their way into Facebook every time a month has 31 days. Did you know that there are 7 months every year that contain 31 days? When a month contains 31 days three of those days of the week will occur 5 times, and guess what else, they always occur in order (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday, Saturday, Sunday and so on - there are seven of these possibilities!). So, do you really, really think the possibility of the Friday, Saturday, Sunday combination can only occur once every 823 years?!? Seriously? On top of this, I have seen two people already post that there will be 5 Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays this October (2012). Folks, look at your damn calendar before you post ridiculousness like this! Or do me a favor and actually think about what you are posting before you put something so damn ignorant on your wall...

Here's a link to Snopes to explain exactly how often the 5 day occurrence really is and what the f*** Money Bags really means and what to do to try and get that damn money.

Poison Nut 2012 - A New Hope

The OSU football season starts tomorrow. I have to say it's been a long time coming! Last season was an abysmal letdown to say the least. 6-7? No one could have foreseen that (save for a rabid wolverine or two). I certainly didn't see it. If you read my prediction post last year you see that I was looking through some very thick rose colored glasses.

To say I'm excited about this season would be an understatement. My Cubs have sucked like there is no tomorrow. That's nothing new, but always a disappointment. I still love them though. My second favorite and AL adopted team, the Rays, have struggled with injuries but once they got healthy they looked strong. Then I mentioned how good they looked on Facebook and the jinx was on. 1-4 in their last 5 and fading away from the two wildcard spots open. But enough about baseball, it's the freakin' start of football!

What I'm looking forward to this season: 

• First and foremost it's putting the Tressel era behind us. Doesn't mean I want to forget all of the great things he did do for the school. He built a perennial contender. He had the Buckeye's in the discussion nearly every year. Yes, at times, it was hard to watch but it was also damn exciting. I like to look at the positive (and still be mindful of the not-so positive).
• Second is the new look team under Urban (I like Urban better than Meyer). I read somewhere that his full name is Urban Frank Meyer, III. So does that mean we'll start calling him UM3, UFM3 or U3? My personal preference (if we really had to choose one) would be U3 as a play off of the immortal band U2. But we're not here to rename the guy... He's installing a new high power offense. To be fair, anything was higher powered than that sludge from Jim Bollman. It should certainly be more fun to watch than anything Tressel Ball ever gave us and hopefully a little easier on our poor, weak hearts. The defense should be getting better, but is that possible for the Buckeyes who have always been known for their great D? Urban kept the best thing going for OSU last year, and that was Luke Fickle. 
• Third, new traditions from Urban. I understand he's implementing a new tradition to take place just before kick-off. The strength and conditioning coach will be leading the players in front of the student section in the south stands through their Quick Cals (rapid, military style calisthenics). They have released a YouTube video asking the students to join in. Now imagine the whole South Stands moving in unison with the team... Follow that up by what I can only call one of the most gratifying experiences outside of the actual playing of football at a game - the band entering the field, getting set and marching down the field (yep, goosebumps just writing that).

So, with kick-off a mere 14ish hours away, what are you looking forward to tomorrow?

I'm Out

I've been defeated. I thought I could get into politics by voting for the first time a few years ago. All it has given me is heartburn, grey hair and frustration. I realize today that I can't fix all of the stupid in the world, all of the ignorance and all of the "it's my way or no way at all". Frankly that's what politics has turned into nowadays. Being new to the 'game' I don't know if it was any different at any other time in the history of the United States (or the world for that)? People have lost the ability to compromise.

For the people who want to give everything away for free - go for it.
For the people who want to repress others because they don't act like you - go for it.
For the people who just hate women in general - go for it.
For the people who vote just because it's your 'party affiliation' - go for it.

I'm out. I'm done. I don't have the strength and the will power to keep going.

On being a Democrat vs. a Republican as seen by Christopher Titus

I believe all it does is split us right down the middle it makes us angry at each other instead of pissing off the people that are really f***ing things up - Prius Drivers

And by the way left and right doesn't work anyway

If your so far left you actually believe someone owes you a job, citizenship and a free heart transplant

your mentally ill

And if your so far right you believe someone who is not a citizen and who doesn't have a job deserves to have his heart cut out and sold on E-Bay

your mentally ill

Word - Snarky

Word of the week: Snarky - Chiefly British Slang, testy or irritable; short. (Andy, no short jokes!)

People that know me probably would say I'm snarky all the time. I don't know because my hearing is kinda bad and I don't pay attention to the people behind me (talking behind my back - except when they have knives).

I'll say though that yesterday on Facebook I was damn snarky. I even admitted it. I was kinda mean in some comments I made on other people's posts (sorry Chad L. and Greg B.). I just get that way sometimes. Filter on. Filter off. It just happens. Hopefully I realize it and then (when I give a damn, and usually I try to) work on being a better person.

So today I give a damn and will try to be less short, testy and/or irritable (though I really can't get any taller, damnit).

Separation Of Church And State

So, I'm going to wade into troubled waters with this post... The hot topic these days is Same Sex Marriage. I've read a lot of opinions on this topic on different social sites, news sources, etc... This is one that people typically feel very strongly about, one way or the other. I've been churning this post in my head for a few days now, not sure how I wanted to write this one up. I came across a FaceBook post from a friend and thought it summed my perspective up rather nicely.

"The total number of places in the Bible where Jesus said homosexuals are bad is zero -- zip, nada, nowhere. The place where those who choose not to accept that others are born differently is in the book of Leviticus. It must be understood that Leviticus is not God's word -- and Jesus didn't exist yet. Lev. is a history book. It contains a list of the laws of one land, in one place, at one time, long ago. Those laws are no longer relevant.

If one is going to accept Leviticus to judge homosexuals, then one must be consistent and not "cherry-pick verses." Leviticus says homosexuality is a sin. Yep. Leviticus also mandates that no one is permitted to wear clothing containing more than one fiber, therefore cotton/polyester blends are also a sin. Lev does not allow people to eat shellfish, so lobster and shrimp are also now taboo. And if a woman is not a virgin on her wedding night, then Lev mandates that she be stoned until death. I'm guessing she wouldn't approve, but if one is going to judge -- which is a sin -- then judge consistently.

But all this is, in reality, a moot point, because gay marriage may be a religious issue within some churches and within the narrow minds of some, but that has nothing to do with the rights of others -- even others whom we might not understand completely. Heck, I don't understand how someone who doesn't even know me judges and hates me. All she is doing is perverting her Bible and her God's words in order to randomly legislate bigotry to hard-working, law-abiding, loving, legal citizens -- who are also children of God."

~ Craig

I've seen other posts that talk about all of the other laws listed in Leviticus (and other parts of the bible) that indicate how people should be put to death. So you want to decide what is right and wrong about the bible but people who go against your belief should be punished. For those of you feeling Same Sex Marriage should not be allowed because of the bible, please let me know what you think about owning slaves? Even Jesus said it was OK as long as you took care of them.

But my point goes beyond the selective choosings of religion. My brother posted a funny statement the other day, "Claiming ones marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because your on a diet". The point being that whatever your religion tells you is between you, God and possibly your church. But it has nothing to do with what other people do in their lives. You are free to preach you beliefs on to others. But when it comes to passing laws, we should maintain the separation of religious beliefs within what is right and fair. We were able to do it in regards to slavery, why not this?

Reminiscing

We found out several weeks ago that my dad is really sick. As I was going through my list of friends that might have known my father from growing up, one in particular came to mind. He popped up because of a story that occurred involving both of them. When I told Steve what was going on with my dad, I also told him that one of my favorite 'Steve moments' involved dad. We talked a little bit more about it (via text) and I asked Steve if he would mind writing about the incident as I felt it would be better coming directly from the source instead of me butchering the story with inaccuracies. Below is what I received from him.

As I looked down the side street I was passing I caught sight of what I was afraid of. Before I explain what happened next let me give you a little background information. I was still in high school and had purchased a Mustang like my best friend had, just a different color. I drove it like the way it was meant to be driven, just not as such on open roads with other drivers. I was on my way to my best friend’s house when the event above took place and as I’m sure you deduced, what I saw was a police car. I glanced down to see I was doing well over the speed limit and made the not so bright decision to take what little lead I had and see what I could do with it. “If I can just get to my friend’s house and get out of the car before they see who is driving”, I thought to myself. These are the kind of irrational thoughts high school kids driving Mustangs have. 

I dropped it into third and punched it rounding the corner into the subdivision my friend lived in as I saw the police car pulling out of the side street and heading in my direction. I took two more turns, looking back each time to see if I could catch sight of my pursuer. As I screeched to a halt in front of my friend’s house and jumped out, the police car turned the corner. I was half way up the front yard when the policeman pulled up behind my car, rolled his window down, and ordered me over. 

What came next was the rundown of offences. As he was rattling them off I was doing the math in my head of how many points this would amount to on my license and it wasn’t good. “You were speeding, you went left of center to turn into the subdivision, you sped through a residential area, and you failed to use your turn signal.” 

About this time, Mr. Gronek, my best friend’s dad, made his way out of the house and walked toward the police car. “Is there a problem?” he asked. The officer asked him if he was my father to which he responded, “no, but I will still kick his butt”. The policeman made the suggestion that might not be such a bad idea and drove off. 

I will always remember that day and be grateful to my best friend’s dad for saving a young and dumb kid from his ignorant ways. 

Thanks Tom (if I may call you that sir)

Life Lessons From Mr. Lincoln

I was reminded of a couple of life lessons I've learned over the years in the past month or so.

Mr. Lincoln is  my wife's SUV. He's a white 2005 Lincoln Navigator. I bought him used last summer (it's kind of hard justifying the price tag on a new one of those). He's a really nice truck, as Lincoln's should be. Heated and cooled seats, great sound system, power everything and automatic everything. He is the most sure footed thing I've ever driven in snow, even though we hardly had anything this past winter to really test him - we did have one evening of shear crap on the road and folks were slip-sliding everywhere, but not us!

About two months ago we started having problems where the battery was dying on us. I took it over to an auto parts store and had them hook it up to their battery/alternator tester and it came back indicating the draw from the alternator was weak. So I bought an alternator and had my nephew install it. After that didn't work we bought a new battery since the old one was no longer holding a charge. That still didn't fix the problem and it was suggested to me to check all of the wiring between the alternator and the battery. We did that and found the plug into the alternator had the retention clip broken. $35 dollars later a new harness was installed. That didn't fix the problem so we tried replacing the battery terminals as the positive terminal appeared loose. All of our attempts proved futile and the battery continued to drain. Finally crying 'uncle' as my nephew and I had run out of ideas to try I scheduled an appointment with a Lincoln dealership to have them perform a battery drain test.

I had purchased the battery/alternator harness wiring from Bob Boyd Lincoln off of Sawmill Road. While there I struck up a conversation with the Service Department manager and we talked about various things I was experiencing with Mr. Lincoln, what I might expect over the next few years and other odds and ends. Rick was a pleasant gentleman who wasn't afraid to candy coat issues that I have been experiencing or may in the future. I felt good about what I had experienced with that brief encounter at BBL and decided to take Mr. Lincoln there for the diagnostic review. The service department advised me it may take a few days to look everything over and to find the source of the problem. I told them that was fine and was on my way. After the weekend was over and Tuesday had come I was back in touch with the service department and they had advised me the problem with Mr. Lincoln was an improperly installed battery terminal and that I could pick him up that afternoon. My wife and I drove over to pick him up. I paid less than I had expected for the diagnosis and repair and was waiting for the service department to pull up with my vehicle. After waiting a few minutes the driver came back into the service department without my truck. It wouldn't start! Rick was there and handled the whole situation. He asked us a few additional questions about Mr. Lincoln, decided that the fix they tried obviously wasn't the problem and based on the fact that our rear wiper wasn't working or only working intermittently he was going to focus his review there. In the meantime, for our inconvenience, he gave us a loaner car (a 2011 MKZ) to drive until they were sure of the problem and solution. Keep in mind, I didn't buy Mr. Lincoln from BBL. The next day I received a call from Rick informing me that the wiper was in fact the culprit and it had been fixed at no additional cost to me.

During these frustrating few weeks for my wife and I one of my wife's coworkers was asking her why we were putting up with all of these problems with Mr. Lincoln and why we hadn't just sold him.

Here comes lesson #1 - You don't give up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble. You have to try to work through things and see how they turn out before you throw in the towel on something or someone.

Now for lesson #2 - Sometimes you can't fix everything yourself. On occasion you must put your faith in the professionals to help tackle the bigger issues.

And lesson #3 - you can find good people in places you'd least expect.

As an afterthought - that MKZ was a sweet little car. It was the base model MKZ and had plenty of features that would make me a happy owner. The Sync system is impressive and easy to set up to my iPhone. I was able to stream my music wirelessly, make and receive phone calls. I didn't have much time to try out the other Sync features. If you've never had cooled seats in your car give them a try. Or better yet, don't. Once you have you'll want them in everything you drive. The sound system was really good. It was a V6 and had plenty of power and the ride was silky smooth. All in all a really nice little ride, just what you'd expect in a luxury car - even a base model one.

Dream Whisperer

Do you talk in your sleep? You probably don't know unless the person you have chosen to sleep beside tells you. I do. But when I do it, I know I'm doing it. I know this because when I do it I whisper.
I woke up the other morning and my wife asked me if I was having a bad dream. I was still half asleep when she asked so I just reflexively told her no, rolled over and fell back asleep. Later on that morning when I had my faculties about me I brought it up. I asked her if she had asked me before about a bad dream that morning. She said, yes I asked you that. I told her yes I was having a bad dream. I asked her what I said. She replied with it was just mumbling, I couldn't really make out anything you said.

I had asked her about this because a) I vaguely remember her asking me earlier that morning and b) I remember the dream in question. I was talking to an old school friend. I was telling her how upset I was that my baby was leaving me and I might never see her again. (In reality my oldest daughter is graduating this summer and is thinking about maybe, possibly going to Florida for a short while). I remember in this dream that when I tried to talk to my friend all I could do is whisper. When she asked why I couldn't speak out loud I told her it was part of the side effects from my coma. It all seemed natural.

I've had other dreams where I remember trying to talk and all that happens is a whisper. Only once have I been able to actually talk out loud and that was during a true nightmare. My brain seems to know exactly what scares me and when I have a nightmare it usually focuses on that weakness/insecurity/fear. In this particular nightmare I was in the shower. Suddenly I felt a presence behind me and something started to block the flow of water. I saw an outline of a body from the water and feet on the floor. I screamed out for someone to help me. When I screamed I could hear myself both in the dream and not in the dream (I'm sorry I don't have better words to describe the difference). The next thing I know my wife and daughter are both in the bedroom waking me up and asking me what had happened. It scared both of them and really shook me up.

The whispering in my dreams has been happening now for a while. I'm wondering when my mind will overcome the whisper and finally let me start speaking out loud. Oh, the stories I'm sure my wife will be happy to tell me when that happens! So, now you know that I talk in my sleep. Useful for just about nothing, but I thought maybe an interesting tale.

Right Now

Music can be a great way to express ones thoughts and feelings. I haven't written lately because I am heavy in heart. I heard this song tonight in my iTunes library, looked up the lyrics and felt they hit the spot straight on. The song is:

Artist: Nine Inch Nails
Title: Zero-Sum
Album: Year Zero

They're starting to open up the sky, they're starting to reach down through.
And it feels like we're living in that split second of a car crash.
And time is slowing down, and if we only had a little more time
and this time
is all there is.

Do you remember the time we...?
And all the times we...?
And should have...?
And were going to...?
I know.

And I know you remember, how we could justify it all.
And we knew better; in our hearts... we knew better.
And we told ourselves it didn't matter.
And we chose to continue, and none of that matters anymore.
In the hour of our twilight...
And soon it will be all said and done, and we will all be back together, as one...
If we will continue at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start
May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts
Shame on us for all we have done
And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

And you never get away, and you never get to take the easy way,
And all of this is a consequence, brought on by our own hand
If you believe in that sort of thing.
And did you ever really find, when you closed your eyes,
Any place that was still, and at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you, as the light starts to fade,
That you are the reason that I am not afraid.
And I guess I just wanted to mention, as the heavens will fall,
We will be together soon if we will be anything at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start
May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts
Shame on us for all we have done
And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

Thank you Trent for helping me express tonight how I feel.

A Daughter Needs A Dad

Jim asked me awhile back if I wanted to do a guest blog post. A memorial for my father. I tried a few times, but really couldn't come up with something that I'd thought anyone would want to read. Saturday, March 17, a day that most people are out celebrating the Luck O the Irish, I will quietly be remembering my father. I can't believe it's been 5 years since he's been gone. 


It certainly doesn't seem like it's been that long, and it sometimes feels like it's been forever. I could tell you what a great man he was. But he wasn't. He was stubborn and opinionated, especially in his last years. He was a good husband, sometimes. I'd say he was a good brother, also sometimes. I'm not sure how great an uncle he was. If you asked one of the Kelly girls (our cousins) I'd bet they'd say he was. If you asked Jim, or Andy, or any of our other cousins, I'd bet they'd say sure, but most wouldn't have extremely fond memories of him, like some of us do with our Aunt Hannah or Uncle John. But for me, he was a great dad. One of my best friends, especially after I'd grown up and learned to accept him for who he was. I still miss him, each and every day. Not much of a tribute huh.  

To honor his memory, I'd like to take something from a little book I picked up for him for Christmas one year.  It's called Why a Daughter Needs a Dad.  It was compiled by Gregory Lang.  

A daughter needs a dad to learn that when he says it will be ok soon, it will.

A daughter needs a dad who will make sacrifices so she will not have to sacrifice.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that her value as a person is more than the way she looks.

A daughter needs a dad who will laugh at her at all the right times, who will always have time to give her hugs and kisses.  Who does not mind when she steps on his shoes while dancing.  Who will always make sure she has a place to come home to.

A daughter needs a dad who will never think she is too old to need him.

A daughter needs a dad to make the family whole and complete.

A daughter needs a dad who will not punish her for her mistakes, but help her learn from them.  To teach her to believe that she deserves to be treated well.  To teach her to accept the differences in others.  To teach her to weigh the consequences of her actions and make decisions accordingly. 

A daughter needs a dad to tell her truthfully that she is the most beautiful of all.

A daughter needs a dad to protect her from scary nighttime creatures.  To answer the questions that keep her awake at night.  To make the complex simple and the painful bearable.  To protect her from thunder and lightning.

A daughter needs a dad to be the safe spot she can always turn to.

A daughter needs a dad to show her how it feels to be loved unselfishly.

A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.

A daughter needs a dad who will influence her life even when he isn't with her.

A daughter needs a dad to tell her that all is not hopeless, even when she feels it is.  To join her journey when she is too afraid to walk alone.  To make the tough decisions for her until she is able to make them for herself.

A daughter needs a dad so that she will have at least one hero who will not let her down.

A daughter needs a dad to help her take the risks that will build her confidence. 

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that forgiving is a natural thing to do.  To teach her that she can forgive more than once.  To teach her the difference between being firm and being stubborn.  To teach her that respect is to be earned as he has earned hers. 

A daughter needs a dad to prepare her to persevere though hardship.

A daughter needs a dad who will let her know that while she may not be the center of someone else's world, she is the center of his.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her what it means to always be there.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her that a man's strength is not the force of his hand or his voice, but the kindness of his heart.

A daughter needs a dad so that when no one else is there for her, she can close her eyes and see him.

A daughter needs a dad to give her the guidance she needs as she begins to resolve her own troubles.  To pull her back when she is headed in the wrong directions. To think highly of her when no one else will.  To hold her when she cries.

A daughter needs a dad  who teaches her she is important by stopping what he is doing to watch her.

A daughter needs a dad to teach her the importance of being a lady.

A daughter needs a dad to calm her when she is stressed by her challenges.  To give her a strong, willful character.  To teach her how things work.   To fix her favorite things.  

A daughter needs a dad to show her that true love is unconditional.

A daughter needs a dad to tell her all she needs to know about boys.  To show her that all boys are not like the one who hurt her.  To teach her how to recognize a gentleman.  To stand with her on the day she marries the man she hopes will be just like her father.

A daughter needs a dad  to teach her to learn from her experiences.

A daughter needs a dad  to help her find her way in life.

A daughter needs a dad  so she learns that men can be trustworthy.

A daughter needs a dad because without him she will have less in her life than she deserves.

Thank you dad, for giving me so much, for so long.  I miss you more than words can say.


- Diane


With love to Lester Meseroll. (1944-2007) 

Own It

Two simple words can solve a lot of things.

I'm sorry.

Pretty simple, right? If you do something wrong, and the person you wronged calls you out on it, just say I'm sorry. And mean it. By doing so you have acknowledged your shortcomings and are working to be a better person.

You walk into my house, kick my dog. I ask you not to kick my dog.

There's nothing wrong with saying it. We are, after all, only human. We make mistakes. God knows I've made my very fair share. These days though, when I realize I've done something incorrect I try to self reflect, see my error, apologize for the action and do my best not to repeat it. God knows (again) that it's likely I'll make it again anyway. But at least I'm aware of it and I'm trying.

You were here a couple of weeks ago when we first moved into the house. My dog was barking incessantly while in his cage. I got frustrated and kicked the cage. My wife was standing right there when I did it. She looked at me and told me I was wrong to do that. I took a second, acknowledged what I had done and apologized to her. I said "your right, I was wrong to do that. I won't do it again". That was the end of it. Of course you were in a different room and didn't hear all that transpired.

Not owning it, trying to deflect it only makes the situation worse. It's the proverbial slap in the face.

When I asked you not to kick my dog, you immediately turned it around and said "and it's big dogs that get the bad rap." You owning big dogs had nothing to do with you kicking my 5lb chihuahua. I continued to ask you not to kick my dog. You then said my other dog bit you before. I responded with "yeah, I bet it tore you up". You left in a huff, sent a text to my wife calling me a hypocrite (for me kicking my dogs cage, even though you didn't know the whole story on that one).


A slice of humble pie can be bitter to swallow sometimes, but I guarantee it's good for the soul.

Gratitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It's more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It's more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of out attitudes.

~ Charles Swindoll

I like reading this quote every once in a while to help ground me. I'd like to stress to each of you how beautiful today is and to embrace that. Yesterday was my wife's birthday. She turned 38. That's her third birthday since she was diagnosed with cancer. That's three glorious years that I've been able to spend with her that maybe shouldn't have been. You all know how close to not being here I was. That's two birthdays she's been able to spend with me.

Last week someone I worked with in the Columbus office passed away from an aneurysm. No warning. She was healthy otherwise. Today her husband (whom I also worked with) will be laying her to rest. She was only 50 and taken way too soon.

Please when you read this remember that you are here to read it. Take appreciation in what we have today because tomorrow it may not be here.

Stress Free 2012

Not yet. In fact so far just two weeks in and it's been anything but. I'm going to ask you to entertain my pity party for just a moment, if you would.

Everyone in the family has been sick. Sinus infections. Ear infections. Sore throats. We've run through them all. Taking 5 people to the doctor is not cheap. Having to take two of them back because they got something else after the first round of antibiotics is just worse. My doctor tells me it's all in my head, literally.

The alternator on my wife's truck went out. Thank God I have two (three if you count Danny, but he's not official yet) nephews that are handy and can work on cars. Still shelled out a couple hundred dollars to get it fixed, but probably just a third or even a fourth of what I would have paid at a dealership or a regular shop.

Two days after we get my wife's truck fixed, my SUV decides not to start. I just bought it a month ago and it's currently at the dealer. We'll see how they handle this situation. I guarantee it will decide if I ever go back there or recommend them to any family or friends.

We have a house to finish packing. We've lived here 7 years and have collected quite a bit in that time. One bright spot of 2012 is the fact that we are moving to a bigger and much nicer house. But anyone who has moved knows the process can be stressful. Even more so when you do it during the coldest part of the year. Fortunately I've got friends and family to help us move. I worry how much help I'll actually be given that I really don't have much strength or stamina since my ordeal 2 years ago.

Finally, the one shower/tub in the house is refusing to drain. I've tried Drano, plunger and snaking it to no avail. If I can't get it cleared soon I may have to call on one of those nephews for some more handy work.

So, to recap

My Con's list:
We've been sick,
We've been spending unplanned money on cars
We have to move in the bitter cold
We have no shower/tub currently

My Pro's list:
We're moving to a great home
We've got great family and friends that help us out when we need it
Oh, and my mom is coming up from Florida at the end of the month for my kids confirmation at church

One of these days I'm going to catch a break. In the meantime I love knowing I've got plenty of people in my life to help me along the way!